Bees, Flies, Honey and Shit

Before you get into an argument remember this quote - "A bee does not waste its energy trying to convince a fly that honey is better than shit." Some minds are not meant to be changed - save your energy for what actually matters.


It's  sharp, a little brutal, but has that satisfying sting of truth.

Not every conversation is worth your oxygen. Some people are so invested in their version of reality that trying to move them even one millimeter is like trying to teach a rock to swim. This bee/fly analogy captures that asymmetry nicely—honey really "is" better than shit (objectively, measurably, sensorily), yet the fly will die on that hill anyway. Why burn your limited energy reserves on a guaranteed non-conversion?

Where I pause a bit is the line “some minds are not meant to be changed.” It can feel true in the moment (especially after the 47th circular argument), but over longer time scales it’s not always accurate. Plenty of people who once passionately defended terrible ideas later changed their minds—sometimes because someone kept showing up with calm, consistent counter-evidence, sometimes because life hit them with consequences the argument never could. The fly doesn’t always stay a fly.

So, I'd modify it slightly:

Save most of your energy, most of the time.  

But occasionally—when the stakes are high enough, when you think the person might actually be reachable, or when there are innocent bystanders watching—drop a little honey anyway. Not to convert the fly, but to make sure the honey is still visible in the room.

Then walk away.

The older I get, the more I lean toward the bee’s default setting: pollinate the flowers that actually want to be pollinated. Life’s too short to spend it arguing with creatures whose entire digestive system is optimized for something else.

What’s your usual threshold for deciding “this person is a fly and I’m done here”?

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